April 1st, 2021- how it all began
Heavenly Father,
What a message you downloaded in to my heart today. I admit, this is no the first time you have asked me to write, to share my stories and to be vulnerable with others. In fact I believe you first asked this of me 20 years ago today. The day I awoke to a new home, as a recently married woman, in tiny town on property where I could not see another house from mine.
I will never forget that morning. April 1st. April Fool’s Day. I had been married 6 weeks and due to finishing my college finals I was just now moving in with my husband. Yet, that first morning he had to leave for a work trip before I awoke. When I climbed out of bed I felt so alone. so scared to be in an unfamiliar place. A country home, as opposed to the suburban life I had ALWAYS known. I knew no one. I am not even sure I knew my way to town. Yet, there I was in the midst of the new life I had chosen. I opened the window to see snow on the ground and I cried. I just knew that this life was a big prank and my dream life of being a young married woman was going to start soon.
I poured my coffee, grabbed my Bible and I prayed, I read, I cried and YOU answered. That very hour you spoke in to my heart. You comforted me with stories of Esther, and Job. You guided me to remember that in life there will be struggles. You also promised me that YOU, Lord my God, would never leave me. Then you planted a request in my heart. You asked me to write a book, to keep a journal of my days. You did not force, or threaten, or even insist I do it but you clearly gave me an outline of what you wanted for me. I promptly and definitively dismissed that request.
I was certain no one would want to hear my ramblings. I knew I was young and had little wisdom to offer. I was afraid. I did not want to be vulnerable and share the whole of my life in a book for others to read and judge and comment on. I tucked that request of yours away and set about living the life I found myself in alone, in private, hiding my thoughts and keeping them to myself.
Now, today April 1st 2021. I opened my scripture, I prayed and asked you again for guidance. What was it that YOU would have me do? How can I take this beautiful mess of a life and use it all to grow, share, and give back? Lord, my GOD you are so faithful! Again, as though you were screaming in my ear you asked me to share my stories. You outlined this blog. You asked me to trust, to be vulnerable and to share who I am, and most importantly to share who YOU are through my stories.
I may be a bit stubborn, ok, transparency is part of the deal here, I AM very stubborn. I am still not certain that what I have to share is of interest to others. I don’t know that combining my personal spiritual life with my business ventures is a “smart” idea. I question if this is the best use of my time. However, I do NOT question that you are the CEO of my business, my family and my life. I choose to trust you Lord and I will be obedient this time. I will do as you ask. I will share my stories. I do NOT want to be like Jonah and have you chase me to the ends of the earth asking me to do something only to find myself in the belly of a whale.
Here I am Lord. I surrender. I trust. I will share my journey for YOU. May it guide others to you.
